Humor for the Day of the Medical Worker
Dear colleagues, the site administration usually tries to provide information, so to speak, unique. That is, word for word on other sites and in primary sources is not found.
However, today we offer you jokes about doctors borrowed from another site, that is, from several at once. Unfortunately, the author was nowhere to be seen, although he has great respect, as they say now. 🙂 So, humor for the day of the doctor:
Comic classification of doctors
Therapist. This is not a doctor, this is a manager. He has no idea how to treat you, but he can tell who knows. If he knows, who knows.
But not the fact that the one he knows knows how to treat you. In general, despite the fact that medicine has made great strides forward, hope remains only in God, which, as you know, was canceled back in 1917.
Surgeon. He is like a surgeon. Wrong only once. True, if a sapper is mistaken only once in his life, then a surgeon is mistaken only once in your life. Even if after the mistake of the surgeon you managed to save your life, believe me, you don’t need it like that.
Like a sapper, the surgeon is guided not by accumulated information, but by intuition. And this is our happiness, because in medicine, intuition is still much more reliable.
Otolaryngologist. These doctors have an obvious inferiority complex. At first they were called earthroats. But it seemed to them frivolous. Then they began to be called ENT doctors.
But even this was not enough for them. Now they have teamed up with speech therapists, because without the help of speech therapists, people cannot pronounce their new name. And, to be honest, they don't really want to.
The most significant help from these doctors is when you can finally hear the name of his profession the first time without a hearing aid. Do you need it?
Dentist. Sometimes, in order not to be immediately recognized, they call themselves dentists. The worst doctors ever. One happiness, the number of contacts with them for an average person is limited to 32 visits. And for those who do not have wisdom teeth, 28 visits.
But smart people have always said that fools live much easier (by 12.5%). So decide for yourself.
Oculist. This also seemed not enough and they began to call themselves ophthalmologists. People are extremely unpleasant, because they always want you to see what your eyes would not look at.
Gynecologist. The most disadvantaged doctors, because they have two times fewer patients than the rest of the doctors. Interestingly, there are practically no men among gynecologists. Since everything is strict in gynecology - either you are a man or a gynecologist.
Try 61320 hours a year to look at the most interesting body parts of women, and I guarantee you, you will quickly lose interest in them. You can't turn a hobby into a profession.
Obstetrician. The most respected doctor in medicine. It is he who provides the work of all the other doctors.
Venereologist. The only doctor, the meeting with which is associated with at least something pleasant. Yeah ... For example, with pleasant memories. This is the most honest doctor.
He is the only one you pay for pleasure, even though he did not give you pleasure.
Neurologist. Theoretically, it can cure everything, except perhaps syphilis and fractures, since all diseases are from the nerves. Almost completely useless.
He may tell you "Don't be nervous", but just like you, he has no idea how to achieve this.
Allergist. Most proactive doctor. He is absolutely sure (and it should be noted, he has good reason) that all the inhabitants of this planet are his patients. Therefore, the main goal in the life of an allergist is to find your allergies before you run away from him.
Psychiatrist. And this, respectively, is the most passive doctor. Unlike an allergist, he only vaguely guesses that all the inhabitants of this planet are his patients, and does not want to face the truth.
It also has few benefits. Well, tell me, how can another patient help a patient? It is interesting that psychotherapists exist, but psychosurgeons have not appeared.
Resuscitator. The most envious doctor. He just can't let you be happy while he's forced to stay in this shitty world.
Expert in narcology. No, I'm lying. Here they are - for sure, the most envious, because they want to deprive a person of the last joy in life.
Sexologist. God forbid you never know of its existence.
Sexologist. This is the bright side of a sex therapist. A sex therapist tells you that you have a problem. The sexologist talks about how you can do it even better. The eternal theme is the struggle of light and hopelessness.
Dermatologist. You're laughing in vain. For all the dissonance, a very necessary, albeit very unfortunate, doctor. Are you curious about who lives under your toilet rim and in other hard-to-reach places? No? And he should know each of these bastards by sight!
Proctologist. Despite the fact that medicine has stepped far forward, these doctors, as they were, have remained in the ass.
Anesthetist. Very helpful doctor. He makes you feel nothing. And if he's wrong, that's even better. In this case, you will no longer feel anything.
Gastroenterologist and nutritionist. Absolutely useless product of progress. Until the middle of the 20th century, they were quite successfully replaced by Solovki, Vorkuta, Sakhalin and other places of natural treatment.
Immunologist. The laziest doctor ever. He is always trying to shift his work to your body.
Pulmonologist. The only doctor who does not share the delusion of his colleagues that if you quit smoking, all diseases will go away by themselves.
Urologist. A doctor with a very narrow outlook. Unlike a sexologist and a sexologist, he considers your manhood solely in terms of its side functions.
Cardiologist. Absolutely devoid of romantic feelings. Only in him the words “Heart, you don’t want peace” do not cause any positive emotions.
Traumatologist. These doctors are very fond of sports. Almost all of its types, with the exception of perhaps chess.
Pharmacologist. If most doctors are engaged in removing excess from the body, then pharmacology, on the contrary, is trying to cram everything and more into it. And then they observe with interest how the body will react to bullying.
Toxicologist. Thanks to pharmacologists, this doctor will never be out of work. At least at the moment, pharmacology provides more than 50% of its work.
Virologist. Very sociable doctor. It was he who had the rare happiness of expanding his circle of contacts almost daily.
Epidemiologist. The same virologist, but megalomaniac.
Pediatrician. Very cruel people. If all other doctors get us already at a conscious age, then pediatricians are ready to deprive us of the most beautiful days of our lives - our childhood.
Orthopedist. Eliminates the consequences of bullying a person over his own body. If the pediatrician begins to be interested in us from the moment of birth, then we usually fall into the hands of an orthopedist immediately after entering school. In this regard, orthopedists work closely with the Ministry of Education.
Rheumatologist. The most harmless doctor ever. He usually comes to you when the sand is already pouring from you and you are already indifferent to the consequences of his treatment.
Radiologist. These doctors are great. First they study you with x-rays. Then they study the negative consequences of their previous study.
A radiologist, in principle, can learn a lot of interesting things about you if he suddenly has a desire to take advantage of the fruits of his labor.
Somnologist. What have you never heard? But in vain. These doctors are ready to encroach on the most sacred thing that we have - on sleep. Purely theoretical - a very useful and even universal branch of medicine.
Only somnologists thought that sometimes it is enough to cure one person from snoring in order to save everyone around him from insomnia. But here's how to cure this one, they haven't had time to figure it out yet.
Physiotherapist. I think he's just a sadist. For some reason, he is sure that if you are given a good electric shock, then it will become much easier for you.
Apparently, in childhood, these doctors liked to stick their fingers into the socket, and now they believe that everyone else must go through the torment that they once experienced.
Emetologist. And you thought it was all so easy to get drunk in the evening and hug the toilet all night long. And here it is not. An emetologist scientifically knows exactly what makes you sick. Even if your sick of him.
Endoscopist. Don’t feed this honey, let him poke you with all sorts of crap, the purpose of which is sometimes unknown to him.
However, the method is quite effective. The body very often, together with the endoscope, vomits out of itself everything that the endoscopist tried to get out of it.
Forensic expert. The only doctor who does not even try to pretend that he is treating someone.
Pathologist. The most highly professional of all doctors. Only he knows exactly what and why you hurt.
We hope you had fun with us reading medical humor about colleagues. Perhaps something from this comic classification is suitable for a festive scenario. Multidisciplinary departments and polyclinics will be especially lucky - there is more material. 🙂 Once again Happy New Year!
